2nd Annual SMDCard Mother's Day Writing Contest
This contest was sponsored by the Single Mothers Discount Card to promote financial equity and support for single mothers and the children they raise. Get more information at www.singlemothersdiscountcard.com |
CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WINNERS!
Thank you to everyone for your entries about inspiring single moms. (Here are the inspiring stories we have permission to post.)
Thank you to everyone for your entries about inspiring single moms. (Here are the inspiring stories we have permission to post.)
$150 First Prize
Melony Rease By Sincere Hayden $100 Second Prize Kelly Cucurello Autobiographical $50 Third Prize Nicole By Jane Jeuland $25 Honorable Mentions 1. Cassandra Irizarry 2. Wesall 3. Beatrice Njeri |
Melony Rease: First Prize Winner--$150
Ode To My Mom By Sincere Hayden 4/25/22 The term ‘single mother’ evokes many emotions in me–remembrance, sympathy, empathy, and more importantly, fear. My mother was a single mother for most of my life. My mom is my hero, my knight, and my idol. She was a teen mom. Having to raise a child while being a child yourself is not something many people are strong enough to do. My mom has grown up with me and has held my hand when no one was holding hers. My mom has been there to wipe every tear, kiss every cut, and tie every shoelace with a smile on her face. My mom has always made a way for me and my siblings, regardless of the situation, which some people aren’t prepared for. Being a Black woman in America is something that only Black women can describe. There are stigmas and expectations for you the second you come into this world. Being a black woman and raising Black children comes with many unseen obstacles. Many kids get “the talk” when their parents think it’s the right time, but my mom had to give me and my siblings “the talk” at a young age–not about where babies come from, but about how to be safe while walking down the sidewalk. Not many parents can imagine having to warn their kids that some people won’t like them, not because they are a bad person, but because they don’t like the pigment in their skin. My mom was willing and brave enough to not hide me from our reality, when some parents can’t fathom the thought. My mom has shaped me into the woman I am. She has always been overwhelmingly giving. If she has it, she will make sure everyone else does too. Her heart is too big for her body and her kindness is something I envy. I'm beyond grateful for being able to call my mom “mom.” So when you bring up ‘single mother,’ my fear stems from my mom. What if I'm not strong enough? What if I'm not prepared? What if I'm not brave nor willing? Not kind enough? What if my heart is too small? I hope my mom will still hold my hand as I continue to grow and as I have children of my own. I hope I don't forget the example she set for me. I hope she will still wipe my tears and kiss my cuts. I hope she knows how much I love her. Kelly Cucurello: First Prize Winner--$150
Being a single mom is challenging! You never know what is coming next or what bill you won’t be able to afford this month. But as a single mom you never give up, you always find a way! My daughter is 8 and I have been a single mom since I found out I was pregnant. I never wanted to be a single mom; I always had the dream of a family–-mom, dad, and a bunch of kids. Instead, I got an abusive baby father and was left alone to figure out everything that was going to be thrown at me. The journey was not always easy for me; many nights I cried myself to sleep or didn’t sleep at all. My mind was always racing and trying to figure out how I was going to be able to provide the life my child deserves. My daughter was my saving grace! She gave me the voice I never had and made me fight for a life that I almost gave up on! She is sassy, beautiful, smart, funny, helpful, kind, and just the best kid you will ever meet! Life for me has been such a struggle. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD and depression. But I can’t allow those things to get in the way of seeing my daughter smile. There were times I had to work 60+ hours a week, there were times when I wasn’t working and about to be homeless, but I never stopped believing that I would find a way out of all this. I was in a very abusive relationship with my daughter’s father. In 2018, he hurt me so badly, I thought to myself this was it, he was going to kill me and run away with my baby! But I couldn’t allow that to happen. I had to think of a way to get out. I remember wondering how in the hell was I going to get my daughter and escape? But I did just that! I came up with a plan and stuck with it. To begin with, I said I needed him to take me to my therapist appointment. My therapist, who was my life saver in all this and knew the history between my daughter’s sperm donor and me, told me to bring him inside and she texted 911 to come into her office. The police came in and my therapist sheltered my daughter so she could not see the man who helped create her being taken away. A lot followed this moment. My daughter’s father was taken to jail. At first he was let out on a low bail and I was terrified. But once the judge issued an increase of $950,000 bail, and I knew he wasn’t coming out, I was finally able to really take a breath without being scared for the first time in over 9 years! Once court was done and I did everything I needed to, I was finally able to see my daughter and hold her and never let go! I was given an opportunity to move back to my hometown and be closer to my parents, with better schools for my daughter, and it would be a fresh start for us! I jumped on it as fast as I could. It was way over my means to live here but I couldn’t pass it up. So here we are, almost 3.5 years later in a home that we love, feeling safe and happy. Her father was sentenced to 20 years for what he put us through and we both have lifetime restraining/protective orders in place. Once that court proceeding was over, I did the last thing I could to make sure this person was never allowed near my daughter again. I started the process of terminating parental rights! That took less than 6 months and in February of this year I was granted just that! One thing I’ve learned is to never lose hope no matter what life throws at you! You smile every day and show the ones around you how much you love and appreciate them. The love between a mother and daughter is something that can’t be explained and the love between a single mom and daughter is a love I wish everyone could know! Still, as a single mom, the worrying doesn’t stop. The bills are getting higher, and the number of activities and vacations my daughter wants to have is insane. But I always try to find a way to make everything happen. I will always go without so she will not ever have to know what that feels like. I recently asked my daughter what her happiest memory was so far, and she said, “Mommy, everything with you!” I started tearing up and she said, “Mom, seriously, I know you are tired between finishing your schoolwork and work, but you always make time for me! And mom, I do a lot of sports and you never missed a game and when I am sick you always stay with me. You help me with my homework, you play games with me, and sit and watch my favorite show or movie on repeat, lol.” I said, “That’s because I love you and I enjoy doing all that stuff with you, no matter how tired I am. She then continued to say, “Since I said all that nice stuff, can we go back to Disney again this year because we make the BEST memories there, lol?” God I love my child! She doesn’t see the struggles I go through. She doesn’t see the hurt I feel for her because she doesn’t have a father. She doesn’t know the pain I went through to protect her. She doesn’t know that mommy isn’t a millionaire and money doesn’t grow on trees. She will never see any of the worries because as her mom, I protect her and show her that mommy will forever have your back and always put a smile on your pretty little face! Dear Self: Don’t ever forget to love yourself and smile. You made everything possible for her! You were given a hand that not everyone could go through, and you came out stronger than EVER! Stay strong and be proud of YOU! Love, Kelly $50 Third Prize
To Nicole By Jane Jeuland One mom named Colleen recently said to Nicole, “You are the mom I want to be when I grow up.” Nicole is one of the most incredible moms I know. She has three kids, twin girls in 3rd grade and a boy in 1st grade. Before Covid, I used to have parties at my house for folks in the neighborhood and the kids’ friends. Without fail, I would always find Nicole helping to clean up the playroom or wash the dishes at the end of the night. Throughout Covid, somehow Nicole kept all the balls in the air. I had a couple of Zoom play dates for the kids. At the end of the playdates, the moms would complain about everything. Nicole would always find something positive to say to help refocus our energy and help us all laugh. She always had hope and found something good in the midst of a really rough time for everyone. Now that Covid is settling down, I often find Nicole with another kid In tow. Even as a single, working mom she is the go-to person for so many moms and parents at Nathan Hale (our local grammar school). She is always helping other parents, even those who have a two-parent household and extended family in the area. One mom recently said, “she always has all of our kids' backs all the time, even though her plate is full.” In this isolated world we live in now, Nicole knows how to bring people together. In December, my son Jonah had an ice skating party. Somehow, months later, Nicole remembered that my son was interested in hockey. While I was picking up Jonah from school one afternoon, she took the time to introduce me to another Nathan Hale mom who has a kid in hockey. When the movie Sonic came out, Nicole organized a little first grader, movie theater play date. At the play date, a mom came with her kindergartener. Nicole had met her and invited her along so she could meet more people at Nathan Hale. Nicole is also just an excellent, organized, joyful, compassionate, discerning mother for her kids. Her kids are doing so well in school and in their activities, and they are such polite and kind kids. Another mom named Giovanni said, “Nicole is a phenomenal mother. You can see the confidence her children have because of the structure and love they receive from her. She is so deserving of recognition for her daily sacrifices and commitment to her children. Nicole’s loving and kind spirit is so genuine and inviting. She is an outstanding woman and friend.” I cannot recommend Nicole enough this year. She is bright, positive, encouraging; she goes above and beyond for everyone. She is a good mother and a good human. I agree with Colleen, Nicole is the mom I want to be when I grow up too. |
1st Annual SMDCard Mother's Day Writing Contest
This contest was sponsored by the Single Mothers Discount Card to promote financial equity and support for single mothers and the children they raise. Get more information at www.singlemothersdiscountcard.com |
CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WRITING CONTEST WINNERS!
Thank you to everyone for your entries about inspiring single moms. (Here are the inspiring stories we have permission to post.)
Thank you to everyone for your entries about inspiring single moms. (Here are the inspiring stories we have permission to post.)
$150 First Prize:
Jeanie Marty By Jane Jeuland $100 Second Prizes: Illisa Kellman By Tanya Weideking Jassica S. By Jane Jeuland $50 Third Prizes: Shelita Warren By Rasheedah Shahid Ashleigh Sayles By Zanira Abubakar Susan Alexander By Jamine Ackert |
Jeanie Marty: First Prize Winner--$150
By Jane Jeuland I have known Jeanie for 6 years. She is, by far, the most inspirational human I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I believe with my whole heart that she deserves this award and hope to show you why. Nearly 18 years ago, Jeanie was nearing her second trimester with her third child when something was not right. She was put on bedrest, and following several bacterial infections, she gave birth to her son Josiah at 27 weeks. After she delivered her son, she was in and out of the hospital and doctors' offices. She went from one test to another test as physicians scrambled to figure out what was ailing her. Finally, she was diagnosed with a rare incurable autoimmune disorder. Over almost two decades this chronic illness has led to several different types of cancer, a reduction in organ function, and chronic--sometimes life-threatening--infections. Jeanie has been on 24-hour oxygen for over a decade and has been pursuing a double lung transplant. She has traveled long distances to hospitals that have given her hope that she might get approved for the transplant only to find her hopes dashed as the surgeon explained that she is not a good candidate due to her “broken immune system.” She has been on chemotherapy and immunotherapy for years, both of which have given her some level of stability. She once wrote, “Having a chronic illness with a poor prognosis is like having a ticking time clock placed over one’s head. The world is viewed through the lens of uncertainty. I live under pressure to squeeze in as much as I can in every minute of the day.” Jeanie’s chronic illness limits what she is able to do, sometimes more, sometimes less, but she does, indeed, live every moment of life as fully as she can. She homeschooled all three of her children. Each year, she decorates her Christmas tree in a different color. She goes for walks when she could. One year she went with her family to see the horses at Chincoteague island. One year she traveled to a ministry conference with her daughter. Another year she traveled with a friend to Canada. She did all these things while maintaining her treatments and being hooked up to oxygen 24 hours a day. Jeanie is one of the few women who has been ordained as a minister in the Assemblies of God. After her diagnosis, she was not able to continue her formal ministry work, but she nevertheless continued to pray for, care for, and give to all those around her. I will never forget one of the first times I met Jeanie. She smiled with the oxygen tubes across her cheeks as she explained how she made flan for all her neighbors every Christmas and how she made little gifts for each of her nurses. She said, “I think giving a gift unlocks the heart. It helps open people up and build connection.” When a child was struck by a car while getting onto a school bus in her neighborhood, her neighbors came to her seeking prayer. They prayed together and later came back to tell Jeanie that the child was healed. Jeanie has been a part of the Palliative Care Prayer group at Smilow for four years. Over the years, she has become a true foundation of the group. Other members of the group always, without fail, ask about Jeanie and say things like, “When I think of her, she inspires me to continue going” and “It is amazing to see her so full of joy” and “She has so much going on, but she always asks about others in the group.” Jeanie was married to a loving husband for many years. While Jeanie was on bedrest during her complicated pregnancy with Josiah, her husband was injured at work and was put on disability. Being out of work was hard financially on them, but it did allow him to help Jennie and the kids. He helped her get to and from all of her doctor’s appointments. He tended the house, ran errands, managed the household finances, and took the kids to their appointments and activities. He was the healthy one--until the end of December 2018. He became nauseous and went to the emergency room thinking he had a bad stomach virus. They sent him home. Days later he was still having extreme symptoms. He returned to the emergency room only to discover that he had been infected with a strange bacteria that was attacking his heart. Jeanie and their children were with him all day until Jeanie’s oxygen tanks ran out. She and the kids went home to get some rest. Then the hospital called them in the early morning hours. Her husband had suddenly died. It was January 4, 2019. He was the healthy one. Her children were left fearful that they would someday soon not have a mother and a father. Jeanie was left caring for herself, their children, their house, their car, and their meager finances. At one point, Jeanie had to take her car to get fixed. The mechanic kept telling her he needed to talk to her husband. She kept telling him that her husband wasn’t able to talk to him. She was tired of saying it, but the mechanic kept insisting until finally she said through tears, “My husband is dead. You can talk to me.” In the midst of her grief and treatments, she went back and forth to probate court to deal with the house and car. She sorted through piles of paperwork and completed form upon form. She applied for disability, as they had lost their only source of income. Over the years, she had applied many times for disability and had been denied. Finally, she was approved. Jeanie has carried her children through their grief, finding them therapists and youth groups. She took the kids away to a small Air B&B, even when she did not feel well, at the one-year anniversary of their father’s death. She has processed her grief in prayer and with friends, family, and therapists. She has marked the passing holidays and has taken time to sit and breathe and grieve on her wedding anniversary. Even though her healthy husband was taken without warning, even though the love of her life was gone in a moment, even though the father of her children was no longer present, Jeanie still maintained her faith. She maintained peace. She maintained compassion, love, and that spirit of generosity. To be sure, she had her moments of grief, stress, and worry, but through it all she somehow remained faithful for herself, her children, and her community. After two years, she and her kids had come to a new place of healing and stability. But this January, she, suddenly and without warning, lost her insurance because the poverty line had changed and she was over by $100/month. The new insurance denied her life-saving treatment. She called the insurance company, her doctors, health advocates of CT, and finally after delays in her treatment and increasing symptoms, her treatment was approved again. Not feeling well and battling infections without her treatment in the midst of the pandemic, she refinanced their home so they could make ends meet. Still, Jeanie continues to bring light into the hearts of everyone she encounters. She even finds ways to be kind to insurance agents and touch the lives of lawyers, judges, and yes, even the mechanic. I cannot think of anyone else who deserves this award as much as Jeanie. She is a single mother with three incredible children, who, despite all she contends with, still brings light into this world. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Illisa Kellman: Second Prize Winner--$100 By Tanya Wiedeking Any new mother will tell you that the loneliness you experience when you have a baby is the most acute sense of isolation you may ever feel. The paradox of having a brand new person in your life that needs you in order to survive and, at the same time, feeling desperately alone is disorienting. Meeting someone in whom you recognize the complicated feelings around motherhood, whether in those baby years or during the turmoil of pre-teendom, can lead to a strong kinship. lllisa Kelman became one of those people for me. But, then, you could tell she was different right away. Beautiful, athletic, practical and deceptively blithe in her parenting, she seemed to meet the challenges of being a single parent unflinchingly. She was one of those women in whom I might have confided in during those moments when I felt unable to meet the expectations of motherhood. It was immediately clear to both of us that as much as we were dedicated mothers, sometimes, frankly, we’d rather go dancing and get drunk than go through the dinner, bath-time, bedtime routine like the night before and every other night for years. In truth, we weren’t even close at first. When our children were in preschool, I knew her as my daughter’s friend’s mother, and I admired her but I didn’t know much else. Some years later, we were lucky enough to live in a supportive interdependent microcosm of an already friendly neighborhood. Three houses side-by-side with (at its peak) twelve children became a little enclave known as “the Compound” and it gave us opportunity to see each other more often. Our kids were in elementary school by then, but there was so much going on. I’d had another baby and I was tired. When we did see each other in passing, Illisa would stop and share a sympathetic word. When I was in a hurry to get to work, Illisa would share a friendly greeting. Somehow, I was always busy and although Illisa was too, she still found time to chat a bit. It would have been easy to cast her in the role of the chatty, bohemian, single mom. Until you saw that she knows better than any of us what community really is. In a neighborhood with a population that can be so transient that you ask yourself whether it's worth the heartbreak of making friends with the family that has just moved here from Europe, and will likely leave again, Illisa creates community unconditionally. And I am continually reminded with a jolt why these encounters are rich and rewarding. I knew things were not easy for her. Her son was quite ill for a number of years. Even when she had to be the responsible mother and father and had to fight for her son to get help when he needed it, she attended all of his performances and recitals. She somehow managed when finances were strained. When she was forced to leave their apartment (twice!), she made certain that she found a new stable home for the two of them. And before you know it, her new house became the anchor of another community. As I got to hear the stories of her upbringing in New Jersey, and her enviably close family (eventually I would get to meet her handsome, elegant parents Gary and Ruth, who were devoted to each other--they would drink a martini together every evening--and her equally stunning sisters Julie and Sue), I began to understand just how it is that Illisa can find the direct human connection to those she meets (and, equally important, spot the selfish time-wasters). Young and old trust her and confide in her. And so it is that she knows everything and everyone. The best wine guy? She knows him (and his wife, and who his dealer was). The freshest produce? She sells it at the farmers' market. The right outdoor gear? Chances are, she has it, because that’s the kind of intrepid chick she is, but she will certainly tell you where to find it. The best gin? She’ll help you try them all until you find the right one. A cool band you like? Chances are she saw them live before anyone else had heard of them. Some of us have to learn to be part of a community. We may think we know what community is, but I’ve learned what it really means from Illisa. She is community, she and her son, who is now on the verge of becoming a dashing young man, who walks CJ, the cutest most good-natured dog, around our neighborhood. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ashleigh Sayles: Third Place Winner--$50 By Zanira Abubakar Dear Ashleigh Frances Sayles, I spent so many years unconsciously judging you, through our rocky relationship during our teenage years, from the few details I knew about your life. You used to be a very private person. Over the past two years, you have changed so much in my eyes; you learned to open up quite a bit. You held my hand at my sister’s funeral in Feb 2019 as I read a heartfelt poem that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get through. You allowed me to stay with you, rent free, the entire summer of 2019, and you shared your vehicle so I could work through the summer and save up for a car. You talked me through my meltdowns while I was working three jobs and living on my own, reminding me to be strong. In 2020, after I lost both of my jobs due to the pandemic, you helped me through the toughest year of my life, in more ways than I can count. But all of your financial assistance does not compare to the absolutely life-altering pleasure it has been to simply you watch you live your life. You have influenced me to better myself in a way that no one else in my life has had the ability to do. It was incredible to watch how hard you worked through the pandemic, as an essential worker, in order to provide for your three beautiful children and your family members. You worked through your pregnancy in 2020 up until a few days before giving birth. You left me in awe as you were still answering calls and working while on maternity leave. You go through the toughest things life throws at us, while working grueling hours, with pure grace. You do this to the point that I'm always shocked when we have deep personal conversations and I learn of the struggles in your life, from the past and present. Watching you selflessly give, and give, and give to others, without expecting anything in return--not so much as a thank you--has shown me your unconditional love for our family. As a single mother of 3, I watched you find time between working full time hours, to take your oldest daughter to karate. I watched you take your only free time on the weekends to hold her hand as she got a new medical diagnosis. When you weren't helping your oldest daughter with medical appointments, extracurriculars, and picking up prescriptions, you were taking care of your newborn baby who was born last August. During the times that you were not feeding the baby, playing with the baby, or changing diapers, you were paying an expensive daycare bill for your middle child, and potty training him, and feeding him lots of food (as he really likes to eat). We grew up in such a low-income lifestyle that it’s amazing to watch what you have been able to provide for your children. You bought a beautiful, huge house for the kids to run around in, with extra bedrooms for your family members to stay in during their times of need. You have been able to put your children in extra curricular activities, unlike your mom was able to do for you. You have afforded you children stylish clothes, which our parents were not able to provide for us. But most importantly, looking way past all the material things you have provided for your kiddos, I find it most impressive that through it all, you find time to be there in their lives. Whether it's showing up for karate belt ceremonies, or dancing around to music on car rides home, or staying up late because the baby is sick. I know you worry that you work too much. But I want you to know that the important thing is that when you're not at work, you're doing your best to be present for your kids. Though I have judged you in the past, thank you for not judging me. For seeing strength in me, especially in times that I am incapable of seeing it in myself. For making me the godmother of your daughter, because despite my life struggles, you see me a role model for her. Thank you for always just simply being there during any family member's time of need. I have this new view of you that will follow me through life. Because I have never seen someone carry so many people on their back so effortlessly. I love you so much and will always have immense gratitude for the countless ways you have helped me. You are not only a phenomenal mother, but also an incredible daughter, sister, cousin, niece, and granddaughter. You hold this family together. In my eyes you are our family's matriarch. With my sister passing in 2019, I now know how important it is for people to give flowers to their loved ones while they're still alive. Out of the 11 grandchildren, you are the only one with a master's degree. You have been breaking barriers for our family and I have a feeling this is just beginning. Keep reaching for your dreams. Keep being the best mom you can be. I am so proud that we are related, and that you are my older cousin. With infinite love, your cousin, Zanira --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shelita Warren: Third Prize--$50 By Rasheedah Shahid Shelita Warren is the strongest single mother I know to this day. She is a woman who has overcome abuse and trauma within her childhood. She bends and never breaks. She does her absolute best, even when she is unsure she has the courage to try. Now that she is getting older and her children are starting families of their own, she still lends a hand and she always will, even while working two jobs (one part time and one full) to help raise her grandchildren. No matter what life choices her kids make, she stands in support and with comfort to support their visions even if she cannot see them herself. If she has a bad day, she'll still smile, so light always shines from her to me. She is no rich woman, but she makes sure you always have food to eat, and is eager to hear about new foods to try. Shelita defines the family woman, sacrificing personal desires to rise to the occasion and lead by example when no one ever did for her. She's tender, fierce, and surely strong. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Susan Alexander: Third Prize--$50 By Jamine Ackert I would like to nominate Susan Alexander to receive a prize from the Single Mothers Discount Card crew! Susan is a yoga teacher, massage therapist, and single mom. I have known Susan for years and watched her work at making things better for herself and especially for her son. Susan also dabbles in Stand Up Comedy and I've transcribed some of her jokes from a set she did before the pandemic when we were allowed to be in groups. You can learn a bit more about her by reading her jokes. She also just found out that she has been accepted into a Masters Program starting in the fall. Go Susan! |